Some days I really need to silence the little voice in the back of my head that’s saying “oh, this is too self-indulgent / tropey / unrealistic, I shouldn’t put it in the story”
and remember that it’s fanfiction
and I’m writing it
so who else should I be indulging?
YEP. It’s all well and good to write high noble pieces of art meant to say Great Things about Life, but sometimes there’s just nothing like a good old-fashioned Pretend Marriage Telepathic Secret Spy AU.
Newt constantly seeing teen punk Hermann at this club and thinking he’s super cute and having this huge stupid crush on him and one day he finally works up the nerve to go hit on him and he walks up, like, sweating profusely, and “h-hey, are you wearing space pants, because you-“
and Hermann just looks down at his pants, which have stars all over them, and he’s like, “yes, I am wearing space pants.”
and then they just silently stare at each other until Newt whispers “you’re out of this world” and then runs away.
A lot of Natasha’s mysterious reputation around SHIELD stems from the fact that she sometimes doesn’t know how to end a conversation so she’ll dive away Batman style when the other person’s back is turned.
Whenever Natasha walks into a room, she immediately ranks everyone in it from most to least threatening, then favorite to least favorite. For the second list, no one can match Tony’s ability to go from a respectable placing to dead last in the span of one sentence.
She’ll watch any movie with “shark” in the title, provided the movie is also objectively terrible.
Natasha loves emojis.
Natasha genuinely enjoyed spending time with Pepper while investigating Tony, but once her mission was over, Natasha immediately disappeared to avoid the awkwardness of the “so hey, I was undercover and everything I told you about myself was a lie” conversation. Then Maria starts working at Stark Industries and arranges power lunches that seem a lot like the three women getting mimosas and complaining about their day, and now Natasha and Pepper have a standing dinner date every time they’re in the same city.
She changes her hair so often for the novel joy of being able to choose what she looks like. Natasha has liked all her hairstyles, except that one perm which we don’t talk about or acknowledge existed, Clint, don’t you dare show those pictures to Steve.
She knows it’s childish, but Natasha identifies to an uncomfortable degree with any robot character who seems to be programmed to experience emotion, especially if the humans around them doubt the robot really feels anything. (It’s not like she’s written anything down about it, she’s not that sad, but for the past decade Natasha has been working on this version of Blade Runner where it’s this replicant who’s the hero, and she ends up escaping Earth and heads off to explore alien planets with a mech-shark she stole from the Tyrell Corporation, it sounds dumb but it’s actually very exciting and oh god, Natasha is that sad.)
Once Natasha left her phone on Sam’s kitchen table. When she came back two minutes later, Sam and Steve had managed to take eighty-two selfies. She kept them all. It’s embarrassing how happy they make her.
But it’s more embarrassing to Sam and Steve when Natasha shows the selfies to Maria and Pepper at lunch, and that makes Natasha pretty happy too.